life.
whats the defination for it?
the same as living in hatred?
the same as having crying as a daily chore?
the same as having to suffer through the experience of trying to be nice while the person is obviously pissing you off?
is it?
or..
is it just stupid?
is it the same as living happily like a fool?
or.
is like me?

just feeling stupid while i cry everyday.
hate my father.
hate everyone but some special one like sheryl, phoebe, darl, gladys, carmen, ben ng, hui ping and jia qin?
feel that everyone is more importent than me.
try so hard to not offend people while people are constanly offending me and pissing me off?
is not always about you.
living is also about sharing, learning together, loving one another, its about you and me not me, myself and i.

why do you have to see it as my fault all the time?
why is it to you that i'm stupid, everything i do is dumb and..
i live with you.
i have to go through this everyday.
making myself hate to go home.
making myself cry.
making myself hurt myself till theres scars.
the scars on my leg can heal.
but the ones on my heart are permanant.
they will nvr fade.
never.
why can't you realise this yourself?
why do you have to take me into your misery?
why can't you let me have that tiny bit of happiness?
that tiny bit of enjoyment.
that freedom?
why?
why do this to me?
i still can't forgive you for not letting me do what i love.
dancing and singing.
i begged you for the last one.
and now it doesn't work anymore.
no longer.
you are the cause of my misery.
Y-O-U.
my misery and hatred will cease if you just grant me a little enjoyment, freedom, happiness.
all i wish for is that little bit.
can you grant me that?

please.
i beg you.

pEixiN-
so much misery.